The Pegnitz Junction Page 2

  The early start and the trouble at the hotel must have made Herbert jumpy. He kept lighting one cigarette after another so carelessly that sometimes he had two going at once. He looked at Christine and told her in French that she was overdressed. She smiled without replying; it was the end of the holiday, too late for anything except remarks. She glanced out at men fishing in ditches, at poplar shadows stretched from fence to fence, and finally – Herbert could tease her or not – she opened her book.

  Little Bert was beside her in a second. He stood leaning, breathing unpleasantly on her bare arm. He laid a jammy hand over the page and said, “What are you doing?”

  “Standing on my head.”

  “Don’t,” said Herbert. “Children can’t understand sarcasm. Christine is reading, little Bert.”

  “But he can see that I’m reading, can’t he?”

  “What are you reading?” said the child.

  “A book for an examination.”

  “When is it?” he said, as if knowing they had been expecting another “what?”

  “In two days’ time at eight in the morning.”

  Still he did not remove his paw from the page. “Can you read to me?” he said. “Read a story about Bruno.”

  “Herbert,” she said suddenly, in her slow voice. “Do you ever think that nothing passes unobserved? That someone might be recording all your private expressions? The faces you think no one sees? And that this might be on film, stored away with tons and tons of other microfilm? For instance, your reaction to the porter – it wasn’t a reaction at all. You were sleepwalking.”

  “Who would want a record of that?” said Herbert. “En quel honneur.”

  “Read a story where Bruno has sisters and brothers,” said little Bert.

  “I’ll read after Strasbourg,” said Christine. She was too inexperienced to know this was a pledge, though Herbert’s manner told her so at once.

  “If Christine wants to study I’ll read,” he said.

  Oh, he was so foolish with the child! Like a servant, like a humble tutor with a crown prince. She would never marry Herbert – never. Not unless he placed the child in the strictest of boarding schools, for little Bert’s own sake. Was it fair to the child, was it honest, to bring him up without discipline, without religion, without respect, belief, or faith? Wasn’t it simply Herbert’s own self-indulgence, something connected with his past? It happened that little Bert’s mother had run away. Not only did Herbert-the-amiable forgive his wife, but he sent her money whenever she needed it. In a sense he was paying her to stay away from little Bert. He’d had bad luck with his women. His own mother had been arrested and put in a camp when he was three. She had been more pious than political, one of a flock milling around a stubborn pastor. After she came home she would sit on a chair for hours, all day sometimes, munching scraps of sweet food. She grew enormous – Herbert recalled having to help her with her shoes. She died early and stayed in his mind as a bloated sick woman eating sugar and telling bitter stories – how the Slav prisoners were selfish, the Dutch greedy, the French self-seeking and dirty, spreaders of lice and fleas. She had gone into captivity believing in virtue and learned she could steal. Went in loving the poor, came out afraid of them; went in for the hounded, came out a racist; went in generous, came out grudging; went in with God, came out alone. And left Herbert twice, once under arrest, and once to die. Herbert did not believe for a second that the Dutch were this or the French were that; he went to France often, said that French was the sole language of culture, there was no poetry in English, something else was wrong with Russian and Italian. At the same time he thought nothing of repeating his mother’s remarks.

  Christine came up out of her thoughts, which were quite far from their last exchange. She said, “Everyone thinks other people are dirty and that they won’t cooperate. We think it about the Slavs, the Slavs think it about the Jews, the Jews think it about the Arabs …”

  Herbert said, “Oh, a Christian sermon? En quel honneur?” and stared hard at the two cigarettes lit by mistake and crowding the little ashtray. His mother’s life had never been recorded, and even if it had been he would not have moved an inch to see the film. Her life and her death gave him such mixed feelings, made him so sad and uncomfortable, that he would say nothing except “Oh, a Christian sermon?” when something reminded him of it.

  “Now, little Bert,” said his father at eleven o’clock. “We are almost at Strasbourg. I know you are not used to eating your lunch quite so early, but we are victims of the airport strikes and I am counting on you to understand that.” He drew the child close to him. “If there are shower-baths in the station …”

  “We’ll eat our plum tart,” said little Bert.

  “We’ll have to be quick and alert from the time we arrive,” said Herbert. He had more than that to say, but little Bert had put Bruno between his face and his father’s and Herbert had no wish to address himself to a bath sponge. He began stuffing toothbrushes and everything they would need for their showers into his briefcase, not at all out of sorts.

  Christine jumped down and made a dash in the right direction as soon as the train stopped. But the great haste recommended by Herbert had been for nothing: there were no showers. Nevertheless she paid her fee of one franc fifty centimes, which allowed her a threadbare dark-blue square of towelling, a sliver of wrapped soap, four sheets of glassy paper, and a receipt for the money. She showed the receipt to an attendant carrying a mop and a bucket and wearing rubber waders, who looked at it hard and waited for a tip before unlocking a tiled cubicle containing a washbasin. The tiles rose very high and the ceiling was lost in twilight. The place was not really dirty, but coarse and institutional. She took off her dress and sandals and stood on the square of towel. Noise from the platform seemed to seep between the cracked tiling and to swirl and echo along the ceiling. Even the trains sounded sad, as though they were used to ferry poor and weary passengers – refugees perhaps. The cubicle was as cold as a cellar; no sun, no natural light had ever touched the high walls. She stepped from the towel to her sandals – she did not dare set a foot on the cement floor, which looked damp and gritty. In these surroundings her small dressing case with its modest collection of lotions and soap seemed a wasteful luxury. She said to herself, If this is something you pay for, what are their jails like?

  Outside she discovered a new little Bert, subdued and teary.

  “He wanted his lunch first,” said Herbert. “So we changed our plan. But he ate too fast and threw up on the buffet floor. Nothing has worked as we intended, but perhaps there will be some unexpected facility on the German train.”

  Little Bert held on to his sponge and hiccoughed softly. His face was streaked and none too clean. He looked like a runaway child who had been found in a coalbin and who was now being taken home against his will.

  The German train crossed the Rhine at snail’s pace and then refused to move another foot. Until it moved, the toilets and washrooms would be locked. They sat for a long time, discontented but not complaining, gazing out at freight sheds, and finally were joined by a man as tall as Herbert, wearing a blond beard. He had a thick nose, eyes as blue as a doll’s, and a bald spot like a tonsure. He dropped his luggage and at once went back to the corridor, where he pulled down the top half of the window, folded his arms on it, and stared hard as if he had something to look at. But there was nothing on his side except more freight sheds and shell-pocked grey hangars. The feeling aboard this train was of glossed-over poverty. Even the plump customs man shuffling through seemed poor, though his regulation short-sleeved shirt was clean, and his cap, the green of frozen peas, rode at a proper angle. Something of a lout, he leaned out the window of their compartment and bawled in dialect to someone dressed as he was. Herbert sat up straight and squashed his cigarette. He was a pacifist and anti-state, but he expected a great deal in the way of behavior from civil servants, particularly those wearing a uniform.

  Little Bert had been settled in one of the corner se
ats; the other was reserved for someone who had not yet appeared. Christine and Herbert sat facing each other. They were both so tall that for the rest of the afternoon someone or other would be tripping over their legs and feet. At last the freight sheds began to glide past the windows.

  Christine said, “I don’t feel as if I were going home.” He did not consider this anything like the start of a conversation. She said, “The heat is unbelievable. My dress is soaked through. Herbert, I believe this train has a steam engine. How can they, when we have first-class tickets?” That at least made him smile; she had been outraged by the undemocratic Paris métro with its first- and second-class cars. Foul smoke streamed past the window at which the bearded man still stood. The prickly velvet stuff their seats were covered in scratched her legs and arms. The cloth was hideous in colour, and stamped with a pointless design. The most one could say was that it would do for first class.

  “All we need here are lace curtains,” Herbert remarked.

  “Yes, and a fringed lampshade. My grandmother’s parlour looked like this.”

  Little Bert, who seemed about to say what he thought of the furnishings, shut his mouth again; the owner of the window seat had arrived. This was an old woman carrying bags and parcels and a heavy-looking case that she lifted like a feather to the rack before Herbert could help. She examined her ticket to see if it matched the number at the window seat, sat down, pulled out the drop-leaf shelf under the sill, and placed upon it some food, a box of paper handkerchiefs, a bundle of postcards, and a bottle of eau de cologne, all drawn from a large carryall on which was printed WINES OF GERMANY. She sprinkled eau de cologne on a handkerchief and rubbed it into her face. She had sparse orange-blond hair done up in a matted beehive, a long nose, small grey eyes, and wore a printed dress and thick black shoes. As soon as she had rubbed her face thoroughly she opened a plastic bag of caramels. She did not wait to finish eating one caramel before unwrapping the next, and before long she had her mouth full.

  Christine said to Herbert in French, “The German train may have unexpected facilities.” The air coming in at the window was hot and dry. The houses they passed looked deserted. “What would you call the colour of these seats?” she asked him.

  “We’ve said it: middle class.”

  “That’s an impression, not a colour. Would you say mustard?”

  “Dried orange peel.”

  “Faded blood stains.”

  “Melted raspberry sherbet.”

  “Persimmons? No, they’re pretty.”

  “I have never eaten one,” said Herbert. He was not at all interested.

  Little Bert spoke up and said, “Vomited plum tart,” quite seriously, which made the woman in the corner say “Hee hee” in a squeaky tone of voice. “Read to me,” said little Bert quickly, taking this to be universal attention.

  “It isn’t a book for children,” Christine said. But then she saw that the woman in the corner was beginning to stare at them curiously, and so she pretended to read: “ ‘It was the fourteenth of July in Paris. Bruno put on his blue-and-gold uniform with the tassels and buttons shining …’ ”

  “No, no,” said Herbert. “Nothing military.”

  “Well, you read then.” She handed the book across. Herbert glanced at the title, then at the flyleaf to see if it was Christine’s. He pretended to read: “ ‘Bruno had a camera. He wore it on a strap around his neck. He had already dropped one in the lake so this one was not quite so expensive. He took pictures of Marianne, the housekeeper …’ ”

  “ ‘Who was really a beautiful princess instead of an ugly old gossip,’ “ said Christine.

  “Don’t,” said Herbert. “She loves him.” He went on: “ ‘He took pictures of a little boy his own age …’ ”

  “Is Bruno a bear or a boy?” said Christine.

  “A male cub, I imagine,” said Herbert.

  “It’s a sponge,” said the offended child. He threw it down and went out to where the bearded man was still gazing at the dull landscape. All this was only half a gesture, for he did not know what to do next.

  “That’s sulking,” said Christine. “Don’t let him, Herbert. For his own sake make him behave.” The woman in the corner looked again, trying to make sense of this odd party. Christine supposed that it was up to her to behave like a mother. Perhaps she ought to pick up the sponge, go out to little Bert, stoop down until their faces were nearly level and say something like, “You mustn’t be touchy. I’m not used to touchy people. I don’t know how to be with them.” Or, more effectively, “Your father wants you to come back at once.” She realized how she might blackmail little Bert if ever she married Herbert, and was ashamed. It was an inherited method, straight from her late grandmother’s velvet parlour. But by now Herbert was trying to show little Bert something interesting out the window, and little Bert was crying hard. She heard the bearded man telling Herbert that he was a Norwegian, a bass baritone, and that he had been asked to teach a summer course in Germany. His teaching method was inspired by yoga. He seemed to expect something from Herbert, but Herbert merely mouthed “Ah,” and left it at that. He was trying to get little Bert to blow his nose. Then, after an exchange she was unable to hear, all three disappeared down the corridor, perhaps looking for a conductor. The toilets and washrooms were still locked.

  A few minutes after this, at a place called Bietigheim, their carriage was overrun by a horde of fierce little girls who had been lined up in squads on a station platform for some time, heels together and eyes front. Now there was no holding them. “Girls, girls!” their camp monitor screamed, running alongside the train. “Move along! Move along to second class!” They took not the slightest notice; she was still calling and blowing a whistle as the train pulled away.

  Christine and the old woman sat helplessly watching while their compartment was taken over by a commando, led by a bossy little blonde of about eleven. Six children pushed into the four empty seats, pulling up the armrests and making themselves at home. “These places are taken,” said Christine. The commando pretended not to hear. All six wore knee-length white lace socks and home-made cotton frocks in harsh colours. For all their city toughness, they seemed like country children. Their hair, loose and unbraided, was clasped here and there with plastic barrettes. The child sitting in Herbert’s place had large red hands and the haunted face of a widow. Another was plump and large, with clotted veins on her cheeks, as if she were already thirty-five and had been eating puddings and drinking beer since her wedding day. When she got up suddenly the others giggled; the pattern of the first-class velvet was imprinted on her fat thighs. As for the bossy one, the little gangster, showy as a poppy in red and green, she could not leave the others alone, but seemed compelled to keep kicking and teasing them.

  “No standing in first class!” This voice, growing louder and nearer, was so comically Bavarian that even the two adults had to laugh, though more discreetly than the children, who were simply doubled over. The voice was very like Herbert’s, imitating a celebrated Bavarian politician addressing a congress of peasants. But Herbert was not unexpectedly being funny out there in the corridor, and the voice belonged to the conductor, now seen for the first time. He stumbled along saying “No standing,” quite hopelessly, not really expecting anyone to obey, for who could possibly be afraid of such a jolly little person? He was only repeating something out of a tiresome rules book, and the children knew it. They leaned out the windows (also forbidden) trailing souvenir streamers of purple crêpe paper, past miles of larches with bedraggled branches, past a landscape baked and blind. The bossy blonde peeped out to the corridor and giggled and covered her mouth. She had small green eyes and resembled a thief. Yes, Christine could easily see her snatching something and concealing it – a ring left on a washstand, say. She took her hand away to offer a gap-toothed smile to Herbert, struggling along past girls and crêpe paper and long tangled hair and piles of luggage as if wading in seaweed. Instead of evicting the children at once he said a few comic wor
ds, which convulsed them anew, and asked for his briefcase. They would have murdered one another for the sake of being the favourite. The bossy blonde won, of course. She smiled adoringly. He appraised her as though she were twenty. All this took less than a minute. They were approaching Stuttgart.

  The little girls filed off the train, leaving a curiously adult smell of sweat behind, followed by Herbert, the Norwegian, and little Bert. These three were still in pursuit of food and running water. She saw Herbert look at his watch. He had his briefcase in one hand and held on to little Bert with the other. The girls buzzed and swarmed. They seemed quite ordinary now; they were only children home from camp, waiting to be picked up by parents. The little gangster was overtaken by a mad mother pushing a pram and a grandmother who was the mother grown mean and fearful, plaintive and soft. The mother opened her thin mouth and cried to the little blonde, who was shaking hands all round with the friends she had so lately been abusing, “While you take hours to say goodbye to everyone, your poor grandmother is standing waiting …”

  Waiting for what? said Christine to herself.

  The grandmother put on the look of someone whose patience will never be rewarded enough. Her face said, No one need think I ask for favours. A lie, Christine decided. She asked for nothing but favours.

  The once bossy, once confident little girl who had led the commando raid was all seriousness now, all worry, looking older than her grandmother ever would. She tried to say that she was sorry, but according to family timing it was too late. For a second longer Christine saw her small, upturned, elderly face.